Chiefs Appoint Cheerleader as Interim Head Coach
In the wake of Todd Haley’s exit, the Kansas City Chiefs have hired cheerleader Jillian as interim head coach. Jillian, in her second year as cheerleader, is rapidly moving up the Chiefs corporate ladder.
When asked about the move, Chairman and CEO Clark Hunt had this to say.
“Once we started thinking outside the box, the selection was really quite apparent. Jillian has a phenomenal connection with the fans. With her coaching the team we actually expect a substantial increase in ticket sales. She actually minored in coaching at the University of Northern Iowa. Plus, she’s a third grade teacher, so she’ll fit right in instructing our team in the finer points of the game of football. Besides, God knows she can’t do worse than we’re doing now.”
When interviewed about her new position, Jillian admitted that rapid changes would take place.
“As frequently happens after a head coaching change,” coach Jillian said in an interview with The Cheese’s Maximillian Penderschnuck, “I will be bringing in my own coaching staff. Mostly these will come from my current cheer team.”
“Jeron has a degree in Health and Exercise Science, so she’ll work well as the team’s strength and conditioning coach. Plus, she’s a dance instructor which will allow her to double as the wide receivers coach.”
“Kari will be my defensive coordinator. She has a BS in Corporate Communications, and, anything with the initials ‘BS’ fits right into this organization.”
“Kim will be our offensive coordinator. She has a BS (again with the BS) in Computer Science and a Masters degree in Computer and Human Interaction. I’m hoping she can make some progress in teaching our team how to actually study film. To date, they’ve had difficulty just getting the equipment to operate.”
“Unfortunately, I’ll have to leave behind good people like my good friend Jillian, because, well, two Jillians on the same coaching staff would be just plain confusing.”
Ex-coach Haley claimed there were no hard feelings. “Heck with a coaching staff like that, I intend to continue attending the games.